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INTRODUCTION
Planning a wedding can be one of the most exciting times in your life, but it can also be financially challenging. When I got engaged, I felt overwhelmed trying to plan for a wedding and build wealth simultaneously. Balancing the joy of wedding planning with the responsibility of building a solid financial future with your future spouse is crucial.
One effective way to achieve this balance is through regular money dates. My partner and I committed to doing money dates before we got engaged, and this regular practice has transformed our finances and relationship. In this blog post, I’ll share some lessons I’ve learned from our money dates to help educate, empower, and encourage you to build wealth beyond the wedding.
MONEY DATE TIPS TO BUILD WEALTH BEYOND THE WEDDING
1. YOU HAVE TO MIND YOUR MINDSET
- Move from a “my money” to “our money” mindset. Your budget changes when you are in a relationship. Going from having your own money and doing whatever you wanted to now being accountable to someone else for your spending and decisions can be a huge transition. This shift can be challenging but ultimately strengthens your relationship. Many emotions come up with money, your money story, and significant events like your wedding. Books like “Emotional Agility“ by Susan David provide insights on navigating these changes and building a resilient partnership. She discusses how important understanding your emotions and new life circumstances can influence your results and finances. Being aware of your thoughts about your money and relationship is essential, and money dates will support you in this new financial dynamic.
- Sharing your finances with someone can make you feel vulnerable. Opening up about finances can feel vulnerable, almost like standing naked in front of your partner. You can have a lot of feelings about your money that you hid when you were single, but now it might be harder to hide in a relationship. Regular money dates can transform feelings of guilt and shame about money into confidence. You can start talking about money with your partner anytime during your relationship, which can help make wedding planning easier. Planning your budget and reviewing your debt with your partner can feel vulnerable, but it is necessary for your financial future. Sharing financial responsibilities and working towards common goals will make you feel closer and more connected to your partner. Need help dealing with vulnerability? Read “Daring Greatly“ by Brene Brown to learn how vulnerability and courage can transform our lives. Her insights on overcoming shame and embracing vulnerability can provide valuable tools to improve your finances and relationships.
2. CREATING FINANCIAL GOALS TOGETHER LEADS TO FASTER RESULTS
- Money dates invite you to create a shared vision for your money. Making a money date routine where you discuss how your money is working for your future can energize your money dates into a powerful tool to create a solid financial foundation. Books like “Your Money or Your Life” by Vicki Robin and “I Will Teach You to Be Rich” by Ramit Sethi offer valuable lessons on using money to create the future you hope for. Reading these and other books from the Engaged Financials' Suggested Reading Page can improve confidence and help you take bold steps with your finances.
- Having two minds and incomes working together is powerful. Having two people talking about money as a team helps you jointly address whatever money issues come up in the future. Don’t do this alone or let your partner manage all the money because that is a lot of pressure on one person. In addition, having two incomes means more money to address financial challenges, making money problems less daunting. Talking about your budget, how to plan expenses, and considering at least one joint account for joint expenses can release a lot of stress. However, if you, as a woman, make more money than your spouse or potentially will make more, I recommend you read the book “When She Makes More” by Farnoosh Torabi. Many emotions come up when the lady makes more money in the relationship. This book explores the dynamics of dual-income households, mainly when the woman is the primary earner, and provides strategies to manage these situations effectively.
3. DISCOVER PRACTICAL FINANCIAL STRATEGIES THAT WORK FOR YOU BOTH
- Money dates let you discover a money system that works for both of you. I had an Excel spreadsheet system to check my finances and several accounts for different goals. When my partner and I started doing our money dates, it was clear that my Excel sheet and several accounts were way more confusing than helpful. So we talked about simplifying our money system so that we both felt good about our money and staying accountable. Talking about this regularly on our money dates lets us create a system that works for us. Ultimately, we created joint accounts for some shared expenses, modified the Excel spreadsheet, and started using a budgeting tool called Simplifi to track our net worth, expenses, and visibility on each other’s finances.
- Create accounts with a purpose. Each financial account should have a clear purpose, which helps maintain transparency and prevents confusion. Having a distinct emergency fund and sinking funds designated for specific future expenses like weddings, honeymoons, travel, cars, and kids is invaluable. They ensure that emergency funds are reserved for emergencies, not day-to-day expenses.
- Combining finances creates simplicity and savings. A joint account and a joint credit card simplify spending and reduce the risk of misunderstandings. When both partners contribute to joint accounts, it decreases the likelihood of money fights and fosters a sense of shared responsibility.
4. FIND WAYS TO MAKE YOUR FINANCES WORK FOR YOU
- Automating your finances makes money dates much more effortless. Automation, such as automatic transfers to savings accounts, simplifies financial management. Create a system where your money automatically pays off your bills, goes to your savings, invests in your retirement and non-retirement accounts, and pays off your debt. Money dates let us review our finances together and set things up so that things get paid and we work towards our goals without worrying about it.
- Avoid debt or create a debt payoff plan to free up your money. Having little to no debt makes money discussions more enjoyable and less stressful. For me, having debt feels like a noose around my neck that drags me down and keeps me from using my money freely. So, it was important for me to talk about debt with my partner before the marriage. We have one credit card we used for our wedding to get travel points, and we treat it more like a debit card and pay it off as soon as possible, so there is no balance. If you need help with debt or have a lot of debt with your wedding, check out “Total Money Makeover” by Dave Ramsey. His baby steps toward finances help you get out of debt and get your financial house in order while feeling proud of yourself.
5. MONEY DATES REVEAL SPENDING PATTERNS YOU CAN CHANGE FOR THE BETTER
- Regular money dates are essential for financial check-ins. Money may come up randomly during the week, but sometimes, one person is not ready to discuss the issue. Regular (sometimes weekly) financial check-ins are crucial because small, unchecked expenses can add up and derail your budget. You can even catch expenses on autopilot that you can now cancel since you are married, freeing up more money! You may miss things dragging down your budget if you don't look at your finances regularly.
- Contributing based on percentages of income. Splitting expenses 50/50 may be easy if you both make the same income, but if you don’t or if one person stays home, this is not fair or realistic. Contributing by percentages like putting 10% of your income toward groceries becomes proportional to your income, and one person isn’t financially more stressed because they make less money. This method considers the differences in income levels and ensures that both partners contribute proportionately.
- A simple spending system is often the most effective, but remember to have fun. In addition to creating an emergency fund and sinking funds, designate fun money accounts for each partner to respect individual spending decisions. Have a date night fund, and remember to have fun together! Get creative with money dates and visit coffee shops or hotel lobbies for inspiration.
- Establish a spending cap. A spending cap is an agreed-upon number you discuss before purchasing. Having an agreed upon cap of $100-300 to trigger a conversation automatically creates more accountability with your finances and can be an excellent money date topic. You can decide on your spending cap on your next money date to prevent budget surprises and maintain financial harmony.
6. MONEY DATES ALLOW YOU TO PLAN AND PROTECT YOUR FUTURE TOGETHER
- Money dates expose gaps in your finances that need to be fixed. Marriage often necessitates changes or increases to insurance policies to protect your family. Additionally, having a plan for accessing accounts in emergencies is essential. Tools like 1Password can securely store and share important passwords so your spouse can easily access your essential accounts if something happens to you. Preparedness provides peace of mind and financial security.
- Money dates can focus on short-term and long-term planning. Planning to build wealth beyond a wedding takes intentionality and teamwork. Think about things like how you will file taxes in the upcoming year. Filing taxes as married-filing jointly can often result in significant savings. You have to spend intentionally for your wedding in the short term while planning for retirement in the long run. Money dates help you explore your money options and decide on the best plan for your family.
- Money dates give you time to explore money opportunities to build wealth. Discussing investment opportunities and learning about money together enhances your financial literacy, allowing you to invest more wisely. Explore investment opportunities together, as having a partner to conduct due diligence with can make these ventures less intimidating. Because of our weekly money dates, my husband and I were able to save and invest in our first real estate syndication about 3 months after our wedding. Without regularly discussing money and our goals, we would likely not have been able to take advantage of this opportunity.
- Money dates are a great wealth-building habit. Wealthy couples get together to discuss their finances regularly. Teamwork makes the dream work, and every successful team has a meeting to plan for success.“The Millionaire Next Door” by Thomas J. Stanley et al., is an excellent resource for understanding the habits of financially successful couples and applying them to your own life.
7. MONEY DATES IMPROVE COMMUNICATION ABOUT MONEY AND STRENGTHEN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
- Regular money dates improve communication about feelings, hopes, dreams, and financial goals. Maybe planning a wedding is the first adventure you and your partner must work on. Wedding planning involves many ups, downs, and maybe meltdowns. However, money dates create a safe space to discuss finances openly and honestly, reducing the likelihood of misunderstandings and conflicts. Need help expressing your feelings about money? The book “The Connection Codes” By Dr. Glenn and Phyllis Hill helped me get comfortable communicating my emotions, especially about money, with my partner. By understanding your feelings and goals together, you can use money as a tool to accomplish your dreams.
- Money dates can help you work through money disagreements. If someone is emotionally “done” with the conversation, stop and save the rest of the discussion for a different time. If you get into an argument, resolve the issue instead of “trying to be right.” You can take a break and resume the discussion on the next money date. Need help with navigating disagreements or arguments? Check out the book “Crucial Conversations” by Kerry Patterson et al., which offers strategies for effective communication during difficult discussions, including money talks.
- Respect is vital for effective money dates. Listen actively and acknowledge each other's perspectives to prevent arguments. Listening to your partner to understand what they are trying to say is a great sign of respect. The book “Love and Respect“ is a great relationship book that highlights the differences between men and women and how to communicate respectfully and lovingly. Money dates are not just about numbers but about fostering a supportive and understanding partnership in a respectful conversation.
CONCLUSION
Money dates have taught me invaluable lessons about managing finances and building a united relationship while planning a wedding. Start your money dates today and watch how they transform your financial life and strengthen your bond with your partner. With money dates, you can avoid financial strain from wedding expenses and build wealth beyond your wedding.
IN SUMMARY
Money Date Tips to Build Wealth Beyond the Wedding
1. You have to mind your mindset.
2. Creating financial goals together leads to faster results.
3. Discover practical financial strategies. Try budget tools like Simplifi.
4. Find ways to make your finances work for you.
5. Money dates reveal spending patterns you can change for the better.
6. Money dates allow you to plan and protect your future together.
7. Money dates improve communication about money and strengthen your relationship.
What lessons have you learned from your money dates?
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