How To Talk About Investing With Your Partner

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INTRODUCTION

Want to start investing with your partner but are nervous about starting? Even though investing can seem challenging, talking about investing with your spouse can help improve your finances and relationship. When my husband and I were planning our wedding, the expenses were stressful, but one thing that strengthened our finances instead of hurting them was investing. Despite the wedding costs, investing helped us grow wealth even while paying for a wedding. It was amazing to see this happen despite wedding costs, and talking about money together improved our financial foundation and our relationship.

Getting on the same financial page early is key to building wealth beyond the wedding. Unfortunately, many couples wait too long to start investing, which can have serious consequences. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, about 50% of women between 55-66 have no retirement savings compared to 47% of men. Having open conversations about investing now can help you avoid financial stress later. In this post, I’ll share how to talk to your partner about investing and turn it into a shared journey toward financial freedom.

1. START TALKING ABOUT DREAMS AND GOALS WITH YOUR PARTNER

Before discussing specific investments, address your shared dreams and long-term goals. Investing is a tool to support your family’s future. Without establishing a direction for your life, it won't be easy to understand why you are investing. Whether that means financial freedom, travel, early retirement, or homeownership, begin by creating a vision with your partner to ensure you're on the same page regarding your family’s future.

Consider maintaining a money journal to record your thoughts, goals, and discussions. Writing things down clarifies your vision and helps you understand financial conversations. Money journaling has helped my husband and me define our goals for our family and understand how money can bring those dreams to life. You can purchase a regular journal or a dedicated money journal to start this process today.

2. TALK ABOUT YOUR MONEY STORIES, HISTORY, AND FEELING ABOUT MONEY

Recognizing and respecting each person’s financial history with compassion fosters productive conversations about investing. For example, asking, “What does money mean to you in one word?” can be very revealing. I now view money as “fun,” but when paying off thousands of dollars in student loan debt, money felt “stressful.” Alternatively, someone else might express, “Money is scary,” “Having money is shameful,” or “Money is just for spending.” Sharing your feelings and perceptions about money can significantly enhance your understanding of your and your partner’s financial motivations.

Understanding your emotions about money can also help you determine your priorities. For instance, someone who values “safety” may prefer low debt, substantial cash, and more conservative investments. Conversely, another person might find “money stressful” because carrying thousands in high-interest credit card debt makes investing feel unattainable. Start talking about money with your partner to help foster respectful future money conversations.

3. ASSESS YOUR FINANCIAL STARTING POINT

An effective investment dialogue begins by assessing your current financial situation. Review your income, budget, debts, emergency fund, and net worth. Sharing this information enables you and your partner to make decisions based on the facts of your financial situation. Additionally, consider using a money journal to monitor your progress and collectively observe the growth of your net worth.

Calculating your net worth—individually and as a couple—is a valuable first step, as it reflects your financial starting point based on your assets (savings, investments) minus your liabilities (debts, bills, loans, etc.). It can also be quite enlightening. Monitoring our net worth helped us realize that we were building wealth, even while planning a wedding.

When you first create a net worth statement, it may show a negative number, and that’s perfectly fine. It serves as a baseline for your finances. And the more you save, invest, and lower liabilities like debt, spending, and taxes, the better your net worth will be over time.

Start by calculating your net worth for yourself and your family. Knowing your net worth will give you a snapshot of your financial situation, even while paying for a wedding. Here are some net worth calculators to help you get started.

4. ESTABLISH A MONEY ROUTINE WITH YOUR PARTNER

Having regular conversations about money helps normalize financial discussions. Don't just wait until there is a problem to talk about money. Why? Because it will set a habit of only talking about money when there are problems rather than focusing on improving your finances. In his podcast, Money for Couples, Ramit Sethi hosts couples and educates them about their money psychology, guiding them toward improving their relationship with money and each other. Establish weekly or monthly “money dates” to discuss your financial goals and progress so that you work on your money together rather than focusing just on money problems.

Use these money meetings to discuss finances regularly, including investing. The key is to avoid shame, blame, judgment, criticism, and insults. Books such as Money for Couples, Crucial Conversations, Smart Couples Finish Rich, and Love and Respect can enhance financial communication. Focus on being open to listening to the other person's perspective on finances. Consider using phrases like:

“What are your thoughts about …?”
“Can I share something with you?”
“That is interesting. Tell me more.
“What does money mean to you? ”

Interested in learning how to discuss various financial topics with your spouse? Check out these blog posts for more helpful suggestions on money topics to discuss with your partner.

If you have issues or challenges discussing money with your partner, don’t hesitate to seek help. A certified financial planner, financial advisor, money coach, or financial therapist can guide your money discussions.

5. TRACK WHERE YOUR MONEY IS GOING

As you dive into your overall financial objectives and emotions, you need to know where your money is going before you can make a budget. Investing can be challenging without knowing what is happening to your money. You can monitor your expenses over the next 1-3 months to better understand your spending habits. For example, when we initially approached this, we realized significantly more money went toward groceries than expected. Tracking your expenses helps you understand your spending habits. Once you've collected this data, you can modify your budget or financial plan.

Budgeting applications such as Simplifi, Monarch Money, or YNAB are great resources for expense tracking and provide tailored recommendations aligned with your goals. We use Simplifi to help track our net worth and spending because it is an intuitive platform that enables us to monitor our spending and goals. You can find an app that works best for you to track your spending and see where your money is going.

6. CREATE A BUDGET OR SPENDING PLAN THAT INCLUDES INVESTING

Once you track your spending for a few months to see where your money is going, start a budget. Include your essential expenses, savings for emergencies and future expenses, and your debt payments. Once you have your core fixed expenses, emergency savings, and debt payoff strategy, set aside some funds for investing. You can start with as little as 1%, but aim to invest 10-25% over time (ranges may change depending on your circumstances). For excellent resources on how to create your budget and approach investing, check out these references. Pick one that resonates with you and your current money goals.

Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey
I Will Teach You To Be Rich by Ramit Seth
Smart Couples Finish Rich by David Bach
Get Good With Money by Tiffany Aliche
Millionaire Mission by Brian Preston

7. BE PATIENT WITH INVESTING CONVERSATIONS

Your partner likely had a different history and background with money than you, and being patient with these conversations can go a long way. For example, I read “The Millionaire Next Door” by Dr. Thomas Stanley in high school and talked about investing with my family, but my husband didn't grow up talking about investing. However, when we focused on our mutual goals and desires for our family, we found common ground to start investing.

Discovering a shared purpose for investing makes the conversation more engaging and respectful. Be patient with yourself and your partner. Also, have fun money dates at coffee shops or a hotel lobby to inspire you to dream with your spouse and discuss how investing makes your hopes a reality.

8. HAVE A PLAN FOR CHALLENGING MONEY CONVERSATIONS

Not every money conversation will go smoothly, despite your best efforts. Discussing investing with your spouse can be challenging, but how you communicate about money is just as important as the numbers themselves. However, having a plan for dealing with tense money conversations can help. According to Marriage.com, having a “safe word” can de-escalate the tension in a conversation. Using a “safe word” like “ducks” in the conversation when someone gets uncomfortable signals that it's time for a break. Take a break and resume the conversation at a different, scheduled time. The goal is to have a productive conversation, not get into a fight.

In addition, several habits that negatively impact relationships can negatively impact finances. Dr. John Gottman, a leading relationship expert, identified The Four Horsemen—criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—as communication patterns that can predict relationship failure. These same behaviors can derail financial conversations and make building wealth as a couple harder. Why? The communication habits you have in your relationship will be reflected in your conversations about money. Here are some examples of how to overcome these roadblocks.

Criticism – Instead of saying, “You never think about our future; you’re terrible with money,” reframe it as, “I’d like to create a plan together so we both feel financially secure.” Focus on teamwork, not blame.
Contempt – Eye rolls, sarcasm, or comments like, “You don’t know anything about investing,” can make your partner feel dismissed. Respectful discussions foster trust, even when you disagree. Restating what your partner said, or paraphrasing, can show that you want to understand your partner and can help your partner feel heard and appreciated.
Defensiveness—If your partner expresses concerns about investing and responds, “I work hard; I don’t need to explain my money choices,” try not to get defensive. Instead, acknowledge their feelings and seek solutions together.
Stonewalling—Shutting down or avoiding financial discussions can lead to more significant money problems. Even if investing feels overwhelming, set a regular time to discuss finances in a calm, structured way. Avoiding money will not improve your circumstances.

By recognizing these patterns and replacing them with healthy communication, you and your spouse can have productive money conversations, reduce financial stress, and build wealth together. Ramit Sethi, author of I Will Teach You To Be Rich, has a podcast called Money for Couples (and a book, too). In this podcast, he analyzes couples' finances and helps them work through their communication issues. Listening to podcasts like this can help inspire you to communicate with your partner about money.

However, if you need help with these conversations or your relationship, seek a good personal, couples, or financial therapist. BetterHelp is a popular site that offers a variety of therapy options. Having a plan for challenging conversations and getting the support you need will help you successfully invest for wealth and your relationship in the future.

9. IDENTIFY YOUR “FINANCIAL INDEPENDENCE NUMBER”

Once you become comfortable discussing money and investing, determining how much you need to retire or achieve your dreams will shape your financial and investment objectives. This amount is an estimate, guiding the sum you should invest over your desired time frame. Successful investing requires time, capital, and a solid investment strategy. If your goal is early retirement, you will need to invest a more significant portion of your income (sometimes as high as 50-70% for “financial independence, retire early“).

There are various calculators to help you set a clearly defined “goal” for your financial independence number, serving as a crucial benchmark for your future. Once you have established this number, you will have more precise insights into your investment goals and the best options. You can talk with a financial advisor, certified planner, or use calculators to help you figure out this number. Here are some helpful calculators to get started.

10. LEARN ABOUT INVESTING TOGETHER

Consider investing as a learning journey instead of a one-time choice. Research various investment options such as retirement plans (like a 401(k), 403(b), or Roth IRAs), stocks, real estate, and career advancements. Dedicate time to read, listen to finance podcasts, or attend investment seminars together. Even while planning a wedding in 4 months, my partner and I learned about investing principles together by listening to audiobooks and podcasts. Sharing knowledge fosters teamwork and ensures both partners feel confident in their financial decisions. To learn more about investing principles and how to begin, check out these books:

A Random Walk Down Wall Street by Burton Malkiel
The Little Book of Common Sense Investing by John Bogle
The Millionaire Real Estate Investor by Gary Keller
The Bogleheads Guide to Investing by Taylor Larimore, etc

11. DISCUSS RISK COMFORT LEVELS

Risk tolerance can vary between partners, so talk openly about how much risk you’re comfortable taking. When my husband and I discussed risks, avoiding debt became very important. Also, we didn't want to spend excessive time examining reports or stock ticker symbols. My husband is interested in real estate, but we didn't want to become landlords. Through our discussions about these risks and drawbacks, we concentrated our efforts on index funds and real estate syndications as potential options. Addressing these risks allowed us to pinpoint investment avenues we both felt comfortable pursuing.

Research different investments together, visit real estate properties if interested, or listen to experts discuss stock market strategies. Understanding each other’s risk levels helps you find investments that align with your comfort zone.

12. TAKE THE FIRST STEP TOGETHER

When you both feel comfortable and informed, you can start investing together. Whether opening an IRA, buying your first stock, or purchasing a rental property, starting together fosters confidence and trust in your financial journey. For more tips on investing, check out this blog post.

For our investing journey, we spent time together on our money dates reviewing investments, learning investing principles, listening to podcasts and audiobooks, researching the reputations of different companies, and exploring our options. Then, we decided to pursue our first investments. They are doing well, and it feels good to take that first step after researching together.

13. REASSESS YOUR PROGRESS AND ADJUST AS NEEDED

Investing is an ongoing process, so please take a look at your progress. Schedule an annual financial review with your partner, reassess your goals, and stay informed about new investment opportunities. If needed, consider consulting a financial advisor to refine your strategy.

Focus on the time value of money when you reassess your investments. Evaluate your progress by looking at the time, money, and method of your investing.

Time
- The earlier you start investing, the faster your money grows. Start investing today to make your money work for you.
- Do you have 40 years for retirement vs. 10 years? The shorter your time to your goal, the more money you need to invest.
- How much time do you need to devote to this investment? Do you need to invest more or choose another investments that aligns with your life and goals?
Money
- Money or income is fuel for your investments. The more money or income you can invest, the faster you can reach your goals.
- How can you increase the amount of money you can invest?
  - Cut expenses like eating out, expensive housing, or cars.
  - Earn more money:
    - Get a raise at your job, do a side hustle, sell stuff online on Amazon, or learn a new skill in your career to make more money.
- Reinvest extra money, unexpected money, or windfalls (ex tax refunds, bonus, cash registry from wedding).
Method
- Automating your finances is the key to consistent investing. Make your money work on autopilot.
- Evaluate whether your current investment method (ex. target date funds, mutual funds, index funds, exchange-traded funds (ETFs), bonds, real estate investment trusts (REITs), real estate, etc) still works for you and your goals.
- Investments with low costs, fees, and taxes mean you keep more money.
- Evaluate whether to keep or sell the investment.

Reassessing your investments on money dates or financial check ins ensures your money is working for you.

14. KEEP THE CONVERSATION GOING AND CELEBRATE WINS

Talking about money should be a continuous and positive experience. Keep the conversation going through regular money dates. Track your net worth and celebrate improvements. Whether watching your investments grow, earning your first dividend, or seeing a property appreciate, recognizing progress motivates you.

CONCLUSION

Investing is vital to building wealth, but it doesn’t have to feel overwhelming. Investing with your partner can strengthen your bond as a couple and improve your financial future. Approach the investing journey as a team and discuss investments with your partner using patience, respect, and a shared vision. By focusing on dreams, learning together, and maintaining open communication, you can create a financial future that supports the life you hope for with your partner.

IN SUMMARY

How to Talk to Your Partner About Investing (and Get Started Together)

Start with dreams and goals.
Talk about your money stories, history, and feelings about money.
Assess your financial starting point.
Establish a money routine with your partner.
Track where your money is going.
Create a budget or spending plan that includes investing.
Be patient with investing conversations.
Have a plan for challenging money conversations.
Identify your FI number.
Learn about investing together.
Discuss risk comfort levels.
Take the first step together.
Re-evaluate and adjust as needed.
Keep the conversation going and celebrate wins.

Are you ready to start talking about investing with your partner?