How to Successfully Talk About Budgeting With Your Partner

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INTRODUCTION

Planning a wedding and building a life with your partner can feel overwhelming financially, but a budget can ease the money stress. Budgeting money together can be challenging but worth it. You don’t wake up surprised by secret spending or over $77K in credit card debt. Budgeting with my partner helped me build wealth while planning a wedding. You only need patience, commitment, and an approach to discuss budgeting with your partner. Here’s a comprehensive guide with practical tips to help you and your partner discuss setting up a budget that works for your relationship and your future.

START WITH A VISION FOR YOUR LIFE TOGETHER

Your budget tells the story of how you choose to use your money. When budgeting as a couple, it’s helpful to start with the big picture: What kind of life do you want to build together? Have a money conversation to talk about “your rich life.” Do you want to have a debt-free wedding? Do you want to save for an emergency fund or a home down payment? Do you want to avoid funding your honeymoon with credit cards? What gifts do you want on your wedding registry or for the holidays to support your future? Your budget helps you use money as a team to accomplish your dreams. Once you know your dreams as a couple, you can figure out how your budget can help support you. 

Creating this vision isn’t just about money; it’s about ensuring your budget aligns with what you value as a couple. An excellent resource to read more about this is a book called “Your Money or Your Life“ by Vicki Robin and Joe Dominguez. It encourages you to rethink the role of money in your life. The book encourages readers to think beyond spending and saving but challenges them to consider how money can be used to create the life they hope for.

Define what truly matters and use the money to serve you. Discuss your dreams and set goals for the next 1, 5, and 10 years. Approach this conversation with curiosity rather than judgment to build trust and set a clear direction for your finances.

Your budget tells the story of how you choose to use your money.

ESTABLISH YOUR FINANCIAL GOALS

A budget is your plan for how your income will cover your expenses and financial goals. These goals give you a roadmap for what you want your budget to cover. Set goals that cover both individual priorities and shared dreams, such as:

• Building An Emergency Fund: A family emergency fund can provide peace of mind, and keeping it in a high-yield savings account at places like Wealthfront allows it to grow over time.
• Paying Off Debt: If either of you has debt, plan how to pay off the debt as a team. 
• Save Money: Your budget can help you save more money. Dedicate a portion of your income to sinking funds. Cancel unused subscriptions, cut your grocery bill with meal plans, and use websites like Rakuten to help save money while you shop online.
• Start Investing: Build wealth beyond the wedding by increasing your investments. Don’t know where to start? Consider reading classic and entertaining books like “Random Walk Down Wall Street” by Burton Malkiel or “The Simple Path to Wealth” by JL Collins to understand how to invest in the stock market with less stress. Consider apps like Acorns to start investing small amounts of change to compound interest over time. 
• Saving for the Wedding: Decide how much you want to allocate monthly towards your wedding fund, then create a plan to save for a wedding. In addition, you can think about options to earn more money for a wedding, like a side hustle, a blog, or selling things on Amazon.

Setting these goals helps you create a budget for your relationship’s long-term vision. Break each goal into achievable milestones to make them feel more manageable.

CHOOSE HOW YOU WANT TO STRUCTURE YOUR FINANCES

Your budget tells the story of how your money works for you. There are various ways to manage money as a couple, and choosing the right structure depends on your comfort levels and financial situation. Here are a few options:

• Joint Finances: Pool all income together, pay expenses from one account, and plan jointly for all major expenses. This is ideal for couples who want fully shared finances. 
• Separate Finances: This approach keeps individual finances in separate accounts. 
• Blended Finances: Combine finances for shared goals but maintain some independence. For example, you may have a joint household and wedding budget account while keeping separate accounts for personal spending. Many couples find budgeting apps helpful. Some options to consider are: 
  • Simplifi: Ideal for tracking individual budgets with options to share accounts for financial accountability.
  • Monarch Money: Good for shared expenses and combined net worth, which helps keep things organized for joint finances. 
  • YNAB: Good for tracking your spending and “giving every dollar a job“.
  • Rocket Money: Helpful for finding unused subscriptions to cancel them.

Each structure has pros and cons, so discussing and deciding on a fair and sustainable setup is essential. For example, if your partner has a business, he has to keep track of his business and personal finances. You can have blended finances where you track your finances individually but come together with a combined budget for shared goals. A simple spreadsheet for the blended budget helps track your combined finances as “our budget.”

Your budget tells the story of how your money works for you.

TRACK YOUR SPENDING FOR 1 MONTH

Tracking your spending for at least a month is essential to building a successful budget. This step reveals precisely where your money is going. Without a clear picture of your expenses, it’s easy to overlook small purchases that add up. Knowing your spending patterns empowers you to adjust as needed, prioritize your goals, and avoid surprises.

Apps like Simplifi and Monarch Money make tracking more accessible by connecting to your accounts, automatically categorizing transactions, and offering insights into your spending habits. These tools can highlight opportunities to save and show trends in your spending. 

MAKE A BUDGET WITH YOUR PARTNER THAT WORKS FOR BOTH OF YOU

Your budget tells you the story of what your money is doing. Once you track your spending and know where your money is going, you can start to organize and direct it with a budget. Your budget is your money plan or system that ensures your income covers expenses, debts, savings, and investing goals. Everyone has a different budgeting style that will work for them and their circumstances, so you may need to try different ones before figuring out what works for you as a couple. Common budgeting styles include:

• Traditional Spreadsheet Budget: This manually lists and tracks every expense category—perfect for those who love seeing all their numbers in one place. Tiffany Aliche, the author of “Get Good With Money“, has budgeting resources and spreadsheets that make budgeting fun, easy and effective. Also, check out these traditional budgeting spreadsheets to start budgeting with your partner.
• Percentage-Based Spending: Divide your spending into percentages of your income and keep it within those percentages. For example, the 50/30/20 rule allocates 50% of revenue to needs, 30% to wants, and 20% to savings or debt repayment. Ramit Sethi, the author of “I Will Teach You To Be Rich“, utilizes simple percentage-based spending in his free Conscious Spending Plan. It is a simple method to broadly see your income, fixed expenses, saving, investing, and “guilt-free spending,” so you don't have to track every expense. 
• Reverse Budget: This budget puts savings goals front and center, allocating funds to savings before addressing other spending. The reverse budget can transform your budget by jumpstarting savings and investing.
• Account Bucket System: This system divides money into separate accounts for various goals (such as bills, groceries, and travel), helping you visualize where funds are allocated without getting too focused on the specific numbers.

Finding the right budgeting style sets you up for financial success as a team. Want to learn more about how to make a budget that supports you? Check this blog post. 

Your budget tells the story of what your money is doing.

SET UP A MONEY DATE ROUTINE

Money dates are regular check-ins that allow you to discuss finances and adjust as needed. These money dates work on your budget for issues that arise in life. For example, you may realize that you need to save more on car repairs when talking about your savings because your partner has an older car. Discuss different money topics or celebrate wins with your money on these money discussions. Depending on your needs, these dates can be weekly, monthly, or quarterly, but consistency is vital. Here’s how to keep them engaging:

• Choose a fun setting: Go on a cozy coffee shop outing or spend the night with snacks and drinks. For more fun money date ideas, check out this blog post.
• Keep it low-stress: Start with a positive mindset and avoid overwhelming topics simultaneously. Choose one or two money topics at a time for about one hour. After one hour, people start getting tired.
• Make it a habit: Regular money dates foster teamwork and trust, making these conversations more natural.

You can check progress, adjust spending, or discuss unexpected expenses during your money dates. These dates are also a chance to celebrate wins and keep your goals on track. For more tips on money dates, read this blog post. 

AGREE ON SPENDING LIMITS

Your budget tells the story of where your money is going. It’s common for couples to feel tension over differing spending habits, so setting a spending limit within your budget can help. Agree on a threshold, like $100 or $300, where you must discuss the purchase before moving forward. This can be a huge adjustment to be accountable to someone else about money, especially if you have been single for a long time. However, now that you are a couple, your and your partner’s money must work together to accomplish your goals. This transition from “my money” to “our money” takes time, but agreeing and staying accountable to spending limits can help you practice this transition. Some of the benefits of spending limits are:

• Building trust: Open conversations about purchases prevent financial surprises and foster transparency.
• You maintain freedom with money: Each partner still has freedom within agreed-upon limits, balancing independence with accountability. Consider “his money” and “her money” accounts for “fun money,” where each month, you both get equal amounts that reflect your spending limit goals. You can spend how you like up to that limit.
• Decrease money arguments: A set spending limit keeps expectations clear, avoiding misunderstandings about a “necessary” or “frivolous” purchase.  

Your budget tells the story of where your money is going.

TRACK YOUR PROGRESS AS A COUPLE

Tracking your progress with your budget is a powerful way to stay motivated and see how your budget impacts your financial health. Remember, progress is more important than perfection. If one budget style isn’t working for you and your partner after 3-6 months to help you towards your goals, consider changing it. 

One of the best ways to track your financial progress is by monitoring your net worth. Tracking your net worth helps you see your money gradually improve as you pay off debt, save money, and invest. Tracking your net worth can help build wealth while paying for a wedding. To calculate your net worth, take the total of your assets minus liabilities—it gives you an objective number to measure how your finances are improving.

Budgeting apps like Simplifi can automatically track your net worth for you. There are products like Empower that will track your net worth for free. By reviewing your net worth regularly, you’ll also be able to make budgeting adjustments that align with your priorities as a couple.

TIPS FOR BUDGETING SUCCESSFULLY AS A COUPLE: THE DO’S AND DON’T OF BUDGETING

Budgeting as a couple can be both rewarding and challenging. It’s not just about managing money; it’s about building trust, setting shared goals, and creating a financial plan that supports both of your dreams. Here are some “do’s and don’ts” tips to make budgeting smoother and more effective. These tips will help you approach finances with confidence, cooperation, and a vision for your future together.

WHAT TO DO FOR BUDGETING SUCCESS AS A COUPLE

HAVE A GOAL FOR EACH MONEY CONVERSATION

Having a purpose keeps money conversations focused and productive. Decide on how you want to structure your money over several conversations. Whether it’s planning a wedding, setting up an emergency fund, or deciding on investments, make sure each conversation has a specific aim. You will not solve all your money problems in one conversation; be patient. 

DISCUSS MONEY GOALS REGULARLY AND RESPECTFULLY

Consistent goal discussions build shared responsibility for financial progress. Listen to the other person’s ideas on money. Talk to your partner about money, debt, savings, and investing. You may not like or agree with that perspective, but respectfully listen and discuss your and your partners’ money ideas. Try asking clarifying questions like “Tell me more about that” or “What do you think about…”. You may be surprised and discover a brilliant new money path for your future.

PRACTICE GOOD COMMUNICATION

Use active listening and ask clarifying questions to avoid misunderstandings. Respect each other during money conversations. Think of your money as a tool for the “team” and try using more “our money” statements. Ask clarifying questions and reframe what was said so that you can “listen to understand.” Check out this book for more help on communication skills during crucial discussions.

TAKE BREAKS WHEN NEEDED

If a money conversation is not productive or helpful, take a break until you and your partner can talk respectfully. Plan that time, and then attend the next meeting refreshed, calm, and ready to work together toward your money goals.

USE APPS TO HELP YOU MANAGE YOUR FINANCES 

Tools like Simplifi and Monarch Money track finances quickly, saving time and reducing stress. Make sure that your partner will be able to access your account information if something happens to you. Tools like 1Password can help consolidate your passwords into a safe database. You can create a family account so that all the passwords are in one place so that, if something happens, your loved ones will know how to access information if needed. 

AUTOMATE YOUR FINANCES

Put your budget on autopilot to work for you and simplify managing your money by automating your finances. Automated transfers for savings, joint expenses, and bills streamline your budget and prevent missed payments. Automate your wedding savings. Automate your debt pay-off plans. Save for retirement by automating your investments. You can even become a millionaire by automating your finances. Making your money work for you on autopilot will make budgeting much more manageable.

FIND WAYS TO SAVE MORE MONEY

Finding creative ways to save money as a couple frees up cash for your budget. Simple habits like turning off lights or using smart extension cords to reduce “vampire” energy costs can cut monthly utility bills. Use Ibotta and a meal plan with $5 Meal Plan to maximize your savings on groceries. Consider getting a roommate or house hacking to save on rent. Also, think about lowering insurance costs by shopping around or bundling policies. Trying a savings challenge or a no-spend month can boost your savings. Combine these strategies with tools like Rakuten to save money while shopping online. I have saved hundreds with Rakuten. To learn more, check out this Rakuten review.

MAKE A PLAN FOR EXTRA MONEY TOGETHER

Budgeting success for couples starts with planning ahead when budgeting extra or unexpected money. For example, if you get a tax refund, discuss how to allocate it in your budget. Consider dividing the windfall into 10% for savings, 10% for investing, 5% for “fun” money, and 75% toward a shared financial goal like paying off debt as a couple, building an emergency fund, or saving for a honeymoon. This collaborative approach strengthens communication, improves budgeting skills, and brings you closer to achieving your financial dreams as a couple.

HAVE QUARTERLY & ANNUAL FINANCIAL REVIEWS

Check-in on larger goals, such as saving for a home or hitting investment targets. A quarterly financial check-in lets you take action with your money throughout the year and plan for success instead of reacting to problems. Look at your accounts together and see if you can consolidate them. Consider moving savings to a high-yield savings account like Wealthfront to increase interest in separate or joint accounts. Talk about how to invest more for your future, like starting with an Acorns account or investing as little as $25-50/mo in low-cost index funds at brokerages like Fidelity. Reviewing annually enables you to reflect on your journey and make any necessary adjustments.

LEARN ABOUT MONEY TOGETHER

Learn more about personal finance together to grow rich as a couple. Understanding personal finance together improves your budgeting skills. When both partners understand key concepts like saving, investing, and debt management. This habit creates a shared foundation for making informed financial decisions. For other curated resources, review the Engaged Financials Suggested Reading Page to learn more about budgeting and other personal finance topics.

FOR SUCCESSFUL BUDGETING AS A COUPLE, DON’T DO THESE THINGS

DON’T JUDGE EACH OTHER’S FINANCIAL PAST

The book “The Psychology of Money” by Morgan Housel demonstrates how your experiences, thoughts, and feelings about money can be more powerful than the number in your bank account. Rich people can have a scarcity mindset, too, based on how they think about money, so no one is perfect. Judging past financial decisions won't be helpful when making a budget. Everyone makes money mistakes. Everyone has spending triggers and overspends at some point in their financial journey. No one has a flawless money journey. Instead, stay future-focused. Discuss how to move forward with your money together as a couple. 

DON’T CRITICIZE SPENDING PREFERENCES

Criticizing your partner will not motivate change. Managing money can bring up negative feelings like shame and guilt, so be patient and sensitive with your partner while discussing money. Discuss each other’s spending choices respectfully and patiently. If you are being criticized, encourage your partner to speak with respect or stop the conversation until you can have it respectfully.

DON’T GET DEFENSIVE OR SHUT DOWN

Finances can be sensitive, so avoid reacting defensively or shutting down. Take a break if the conversation becomes heated and you feel defensive or do not participate. If you need help talking about money with your partner, seek help. Get a certified financial planner from your bank or hire a money coach or financial advisor to help you work through money conversations.

DON’T AVOID TALKING ABOUT MONEY

Money is a tool to help you create the life you want. Your budget tells you the story of how you choose to use your money, how money works for you, what it is doing, and where it is going. Even if you’re not naturally drawn to managing money, working together to create a budget that reflects your goals is essential. One powerful principle from “Your Money or Your Life” is that money is a currency you choose to trade your time for. Ignoring your money or budget is like losing sight of the value of your own time. So, don't avoid discussing money and your budget with your partner. 

DON'T GET DISCOURAGED WHEN YOU FAIL 

Budgeting as a couple isn’t always easy. You’ll sometimes face disagreements, overspend, or struggle to stick to the plan, and that’s okay. What matters most is staying persistent, patient, and committed to managing money together, even when things go wrong. Be patient with the process, each other, and your financial journey together. Take a step back, reassess what happened, learn from the experience, and keep moving forward as a team.

DON’T BURDEN ONE PERSON TO MANAGE THE BUDGET

Relying on one person to manage the budget can create an unfair dynamic, building resentment over time as the other partner avoids financial responsibility. In his podcast “Money for Couples,” Ramit Sethi, author of “I Will Teach You To Be Rich,” often helps couples overcome this imbalance, showing how one-sided money management leads to frustration and conflicts. Even if you don't like talking about money, you need to understand the story your budget is telling you. By understanding your budget, you are being intentional with your money so that your money works for both of you. 

DON'T ASSUME 50/50 IS EQUAL

Giving equal amounts of effort is reasonable in many aspects of a relationship. However, if you and your partner do not make the same income, the 50/50 split may overburden your loved one. For example, suppose rent costs $2000/mo and Partner A (Maria) makes $12,000/mo while Partner B (Mark) makes $2400/mo. In that case, having Mark pay $1000 for rent stresses them financially way more than Maria because rent costs Mark almost 50% of his paycheck. Does that seem fair or equal?

Instead of splitting purchases 50/50, consider splitting bills by income. For example, Maria could pay the rent while Mark pays the parking spots and grocery bills. Or each partner could contribute a set percentage towards a bill or a joint account. For instance, Maria and Mark could contribute 50% of their income towards joint expenses like rent and electricity into a joint account. That way, Maria's $6000 and Mark's $1200 work together to pay rent, food, electricity, etc, and neither partner will feel as stressed about who pays for what.

If you are a female breadwinner and want to learn more about how to budget successfully as a couple, check out the book “When She Makes More” by Farnoosh Torabi. She has several stories, insights, and tips on handling money for women with higher incomes than their spouses. You can start reading this book on Audible to improve your budgeting and financial foundation as a female breadwinner today.

DON'T HAVE SECRET ACCOUNTS OR CREDIT CARDS

Financial infidelity can be devastating to a relationship. Having secret accounts or credit cards harms your efforts to budget as a couple. Secret accounts feel like “cheating” on the other partner. For example, hiding $30,000 in credit card debt can create financial stress and injure trust in the relationship. Communication about all accounts is essential for successful budgeting. Budgeting apps like Monarch Money and Simplifi can let you and your partner see each other's accounts to prevent secrets from being hidden in your finances. You can have individual accounts, but communicate with your partner that the purpose of the account is to maintain financial transparency.

DON’T COMPLICATE YOUR SYSTEM

Keep your budgeting setup as simple as possible so that you understand the story your budget is telling you about your money. Complexity leads to confusion, burnout, and frustration, making staying committed to your goals harder. Follow a routine and a simplified budget system. Adjust the budget if one person feels confused by what is happening. Both people need to understand what is going on with money in the relationship for any budgeting to be successful. Budgeting apps like Simplifi can streamline your budgeting. All you need to do is have a mutual goal for the budgeting tool and find an interface that works for you both.

CONCLUSION

You can successfully budget with your partner by setting clear goals, practicing good communication skills, and having financial transparency. Commitment to making a budget helps you and your partner create a money plan that works for you. With these steps, budgeting becomes a way to make money work for you to create the life of your dreams. 

IN SUMMARY

How to Budget With Your Partner

1. Start with a vision.
2. Establish your financial goals: build an emergency fund, pay off debt, save for a wedding, invest.
3. Choose your finance structure: joint, separate, or blended finances.
4. Track your spending for 1 month.
5. Make a budget with your partner and understand the story your budget tells you about your money.
   1. Traditional budget spreadsheet
   2. Percentage based
   3. Reverse budget
   4. Account buckets
6. Set up a money date routine.
7. Agree on spending limits.
8. Track your progress and net worth with apps like Simplifi.

Things to Do When Budgeting as a Couple

• Have a goal for money conversations.
• Discuss money goals regularly.
• Practice good communication skills.
• Take breaks.
• Use apps to help you manage money, like Simplifi and 1Password.
• Automate your finances.
• Find ways to save more money with tools like Rakuten.
• Make a plan for extra money.
• Have quarterly and annual money reviews.
• Learn about money together.

Things Not to Do When Budgeting as a Couple

• Don’t judge each other’s financial past.
• Don’t criticize spending preferences.
• Don’t get defensive or shut down.
• Don’t avoid talking about money.
• Don’t get discouraged when you fail.
• Don’t burden one person with managing the budget.
• Don’t assume 50/50 is equal.
• Don’t have secret accounts.
• Don’t complicate your money system.

Are you ready to make a budget that works for you as a couple?

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